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France…?

It's 4:30 am, I'm sitting at my kitchen table, sipping my morning peppermint mocha coffee, and listening to the sounds of the morning.


This is my favorite time of the day, before anyone else is awake. I feel like it gives me an edge, a peek into how the day will unfold or, maybe it's a running start.


This will be my first post since January 2017. Six years have passed, almost seven. So much has happened since then and I've attempted to update several times but for whatever reasons, I never did. Perhaps it's because around that same time in 2017, after battling it out in court for months that never seemed to end, Jacob was finally awarded protective supervision hours through the IHSS program here. It gave us security, and a sense of stability that allowed me to focus on more important things like, finding better resources for Jacob.


A lot has happened in the last 7 years. To much to detail in one blog post but, just about everything has changed.


In May of this year, after another long, drawn out court battle, we lost his protective supervision. Along with that came the inevitable reality that I was going to have to go back to work if we were going to continue having a home to live in.


As I sit here at my kitchen table, Jacob is living at a temporary residential, outpatient program in Anaheim called "The Forge Recovery Center".


He will have to move before the end of January 2024, which is when our insurance ends.


Our insurance is currently in the process of switching to COBRA because after 26 years, Jason was laid off from Whole Foods. And after 15 years of marriage, he has had enough and, informed me yesterday that he is filing for a divorce.


My sweet daughter graduated from high school last year, 2022. She has accomplished so much already and, I'm just so proud of her resilience and determination to keep going even when it's hard.


I don't know what's next on the universes agenda. I don't know exactly who I'm becoming. There's some bitterness inside my soul, it's heavy and kinda feels like sludge. I'm angry at the world, angry with some loved ones and I so badly want to just say fuck it, and move to France.


But, the sun is coming up now so, I'll just keep doing what I've been doing. Getting through each day.


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