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  • Writer's pictureJulie Fackrell

Why now?

Updated: Jan 31

Most writers have experienced writers block at sometime or another. This common hindrance, in my mind, is like an engine that won’t start or a bicycle that won’t pedal; you get my drift. It’s a nuisance that we can play off by saying things like, “I just need to have something compelling here,” or “this piece needs more depth that I can’t find in my wobbly mind.” But it’s really neither of those things or any other ‘excuse’ we give ourselves, it’s fear, plain and simple, fear. Fear that no one will understand what we are wanting, so desperately, to say. Or worse, fear no one will like what we say. Fear, leading the way to…absolutely nothing. Fear will take you for a ride, it will tell you lies that feel like the truth but end up confusing everything so much more.

I’ve been afraid. Afraid of what I’ve seen and where I’ve been. Afraid of the impending, inevitable judgement that follows when I finally choose to speak my truths. Inevitably, someone will loathe my words, they will find hate in all that I love and cherish and they will twist and distort my sacred world to fit their needs, inevitably.

So why now? Huh, I smirk a little at this question because I know where I had to go to get the answer. I smirk a little and then humble myself because, well, because I’ve been trapped, seeking freedom in all the wrong places. The truth really IS setting me free! I’m already feeling my wings unlocking behind me, they’re achy and torn but they are finding freedom.

I’ll be diving in to the really deep waters very soon that have frightened me greatly. I’m thankful you’re choosing to go in with me. There are many of life’s answers found at the bottom of the sea, if only we could see. The sea is my blog, my wet suit-my words and my breathing apparatus is my ‘pen’.

Suit up my friends, the waters are dark and murky but just like any journey into the unknown, there are great rewards waiting to be found.


#autism #fear #journey

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