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Some friends I met a few years ago from California, “un-friended” me on FaceBook a while back. Undoubtedly, my feelings were hurt but I believe it had something to do with my upcoming endeavors to move to the very place they had recently run from. They were unhappy with the economy as well as the public school system. Everything was over-priced, from gasoline to a gallon of milk and their complaints about the schools, surely carried some weight, all ‘reasons’ had their validity. As a side note, they were not alone, many former citizens of the golden state have ventured on to more economically stable conditions. I get it, I completely understand why so many have left and continue to leave California.

Aren’t we all looking to improve upon our lives? Yes, there can be a joyful flow at times, where everything around us seems to be in a good place, life is good, content. We overflow with happiness and give thanks more regularly because it’s more available to give. Sadly, I don’t believe this is, nor can it be, a permanent state of residence. At the same time, I don’t believe life would be as rewarding without the inevitable changing of the tides.

While I think about my friends from California and carefully consider the valuable information they have given me; I recognize that my ‘reasons’ for moving somewhere I have never even visited, are as valid to me, as theirs to them. The economy is of value to me only in the fact that where people have work, people can grow and prosper and provide clean, comfortable living conditions. These things are important to me as I want to provide my children, and myself, with only the best in life. Where the economy is good, most likely the schools are good, another very important necessity I want for me and my children.

Sometime around June of 2010, I was given information that would forever alter my perception of ‘reality’. I was told that my son, Jacob, would need constant care. They wanted him to be admitted to a psychiatric facility, where he could be given the care he so desperately needed and I so desperately wanted to give him. Unfortunately, Texas did and still does not have the type of facility available for the unique needs of my son.

Out battle began March of 2008 when my sweet, loving boy tried to take his own life. He had been withdrawing a bit before this event but he was also barely 13, in a new town and we were struggling as a single parent household. Working and going to school full-time didn’t allow us to spend a lot of quality time together and this made for some tough times. I never imagined such a tragedy in my life, especially with one of my children.

Jacob was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, Pervasive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, that carried Schizoaffective traits, roughly around June 2010. He had been getting valuable assistance at his middle and high schools during this time but getting the late diagnosis was the catalyst of impending doom. Major action had to be taken, something big had to change and our choices were limited. Fortunately, during this time, I was married and had the option to quit working in the corporate world and stay home to give Jake the care he needed. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last but we decided to stay together to provide for Jake. However, living without a partner, a real partner, can make any situation uncomfortable to the point of it not being beneficial any longer. It may be making it worse even though we both have the best of intentions.

I’ve sat for hours in front of the computer, “googling” Autism resources. California lives up to its ‘golden’ name in this particular department. Blogs mention how well California provides for families like mine in these very, delicate circumstances.

I miss seeing my California friends posts in my newsfeed and I think about them often. I realize I can only google so much and the truth of the matter is, I am, somewhat, going in blind. But I have to get there to be able to open my eyes. I have to see if there is another way.

So our journey begins.


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