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Worn

Vulnerable, worn down, tired. These are the adjectives that describe me these last few days. I feel like my oomph is almost out. We had a home. We had a really cute town home but now, it’s gone. Technically we still have a binding lease but I won’t be going back there, except to claim the rest of my belongings. Even if for some strange reason, this man gets away with renting us a moldy home, I’m not going back.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures”, that’s how it goes right? Boy was I desperate. Hotel living was getting to me and the fear of where we were going to live was setting in. I agreed to clean the place hoping this would persuade him to rent to us with our bad credit. I had no idea what I had agreed to, no clue. I bleached, disinfected and scrubbed top to bottom but that strange smell just wouldn’t go away. Then, my throat began to bother me. It felt as if I had gone to the beach and sand got stuck in the back of my throat somehow and wouldn’t go away. Then my eyes started to burn, then a headache and runny nose. I was chatting with my brother, explaining my symptoms and the condition of the home when he said, “dude, there’s mold in there.” That’s all it took. I had been worried at the possibility but hearing it from a trusted source, convinced me to pack everyone up and go to a hotel until I could confirm it. I bought a $10 kit from Home Depot thinking it probably wouldn’t detect anything due to it being a $10, do it yourself kit. I followed the instructions carefully and 48 hours later, the evidence was there, growing in the little Petrie dish. Horrified is the only word I can think of. Disgusted would be next. I had been poisoning my babies, my world! I had notified the landlord before ever buying the kit. He was vacationing in Mexico and couldn’t be bothered.

We have been back at a hotel for 9 days. I have kenneled my furry kids and I am once again, desperate. I’ve decided to not act on this desperation as it’s never suit me before, only brings more trouble. So I wait. I wait with faith and with patience.

A lot of good has happened since being here and I would be a fool not to mention it. Due to Jake being hospitalized after we had to move back to the hotel, his diagnosis is already being re looked and the services available are in process. I’ve been told it can take up to 200 days to fully be in the system but I’m holding on to faith, it will be sooner.

Being someone diagnosed with depression/anxiety, I’m finding it difficult to carry on. I hope help comes soon, Lord knows I’m reaching.

Me

I’m worried about my babes, human and otherwise.

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